Ahhh the Navy life. Once again they see fit to send my husband off to yet another school, this time in Connecticut on non-PCS orders. The military friends of mine know exactly what that means, but for everyone else out there...let me explain. PCS stand for "permanent change of station." PCS orders are anything that lasts more than three months. So non-PCS simply translated means "you have to move, but your family can’t come with you. neener, neener, neener:"
We are used to this. It seems that between each duty station we have a space of about 2-3 months where Chris has to go somewhere else. After the first 5 or 6 times you get used to it.
It sucks. You’re sad and you miss them terribly but you get into a routine and it goes by pretty quick.
This time I have to get ready to move to WA. As soon as he is done with school in Connecticut, we will have about 2 days before we head off on yet another cross country trek. I have to arrange the movers, pack my stuff and deal with housing. (again, something only those in the military can truly appreciate the pure JOY that experience brings you.) Besides that, he will be gone for both our anniversary and my birthday! However, I won’t complain. Because as soon as it is over...we will be moving into our very own home. One I can paint and do with as I please! He has said he is buying me a house for my birthday....and in essence, that is exactly what we are doing. Not to mention another perk....I have decided that for every birthday he misses I don’t have to actually age that year. Amazingly I’m still 29!
Another reason I simply can’t let a little thing like non-PCS orders get me down is good old fashioned pride. I fancy myself as a hardened Navy wife. I’ve seen and done it all. There is nothing we hate more than whiny, wimpy wives. You know the ones. As a Navy wife, we are used to handling the daily operations of the household. We can change a flat tire and know how to call a plumber when needed. We can mow our own lawns, balance check books and kill spiders. We like to think of ourselves as super-women. So don’t go bursting our bubbles.
We don’t depend on our husbands as much as others because we know that they HAVE to deploy at some point. We get used to doing things for ourselves.the very nature of their jobs require them to leave for 3, 6, 9, 12 or 15 months at a time. We signed up for this life so we learn how to take it. That’s not to say we don’t enjoy having them around. Life is always better when they are home. I firmly believe that absence does indeed make the heart grow fonder. You learn to respect them, not take them for granted and enjoy every minute you have together. I would even venture to say, if you know anyone having marital problems, go away for 3 months....you’ll realize just how important that person is.
However, back to my point, I have a "friend" who is not as seasoned as myself or some of my friends. She has never dealt with a deployment or even non-pcs orders. She has had her husband home every night since the day they got married. What MOST of us do in this non-PCS situation is one of three things. 1. stay where we have been stationed and wait 2. move to the ultimate duty station (where we will be going next) or 3. go home to Mommy and Daddy and wait it out until it’s over. The later is something we all have done. It’s actually not a bad idea if you need to save money.
She INSISTED on moving to Connecticut with him. Which by Navy standards, is NOT an option. She, by moving up there has put a financial strain on their life and a serious strain on his ability to actually study while at this school. A stupid move on her part. One that has caused serious mocking by the rest of our flock. What she needs to realize is 1. this is her life now. If she can’t handle it...she shouldn’t have married a military man and 2. he WILL deploy. Simple fact of life. Submarines do not have a special suite in the back for the wives. She can’t go with him when he is out to sea.
As I tried in vain to explain to her, this is a good learning experience. She can prepare for deployments. A sort of mock run, if you will. Oh no....it all fell on deft ears. No matter how many of us older, wiser and more seasoned wives explained the situation to her. I do, I really do understand that you miss your husband. So do the rest of us. You are not special in that area. We ALL go through it. Hence the reason you should be around people who are perhaps...going through it with you. She gave me the excuse that their son would miss him. Their son isn’t even 9 months old yet. Try explaining to a 7 year old why Daddy has to miss her ballet recital and then we will talk.
So it has hardened my resolve that much more. Whenever I want to feel sorry for myself, I just pull out my stiff upper lip and remember that I am being the sensible one. I have handled much harder separation and I am quite sure, will trudge through much harder in the future. I may sound hard and bitchy...but the fact is, this is the life we live. You need to suck it up, Buttercup. Plain and simple.
In case you ever wondered how military wives handled it...this is it. We love our husbands just as much as every other woman loves hers. The difference...we know they are doing an important job. We are proud of them and support them. Do we cry in private...of course. But we stay strong when they leave, so they can stay strong while they are away. The last thing they need to worry about is if we are ok. They need to KNOW we are fine. After all, you wouldn’t want my husband ( or any other submariner) out there, on a nuclear submarine, in charge of a nuclear reactor....worried about anything but that boat. Disasters could happen. THAT is why we have to be strong.
